A New Year means a need for a new calendar, and there are certainly some very odd ones out there these days. Besides the usual fare of football teams, nice pretty nature scenes and cartoon characters for kids, there are several more curious specialist examples on the market bearing images of discarded shopping trolleys, Britain’s best roundabouts and even glossy pin-ups of Benito Mussolini.

None, however, are anything like as strange as the amazing Endosymbiotic Love-Calendar, a wall-hanging publication devoted towards providing its purchasers with explicit close-up full-colour images of drag queens dressed as colonies of giant homosexual bacteria, accompanied by equally strange captions about how such people would quite literally like to live full-time up your infected arsehole. ‘Erotic’ photographs of oversized queer fancy-dress bacteria like the following are genuine, not AI-generated; if you went onto ChatGPT and asked it to generate perversion this extreme, it would report you to the Vice-Squad immediately.

Read More: Happy New Queer! Have You Got Your State-Funded Gay Microbe Calendar Yet?