This is one of those Chicago stories that are so chef's kiss...

...that you can't help but savor every morsel of it, containing, as it does, all the elements of Illinois' wretched social stew.

And all on the Fourth of July.

Cook County, Chicago, has a shoplifting problem, and, by extension, a problem keeping track of the shoplifters they do arrest and pretend to try to prosecute.

Actually, Cook County just has problems. One optimistic judge promised he was going to try to bring some accountability to the long-broken system when he took the bench at the beginning of last December.

ALAS

More than one-third of the people on electronic monitoring for shoplifting cases in Cook County have gone missing, according to newly released data from Chief Judge Charles Beach. So have a quarter of the robbery defendants. Those are just a couple of the details revealed in a new report issued as part of Beach’s campaign to overhaul the county’s ankle monitor program and improve its transparency.

Tuesday’s report shows that of the 244 missing defendants, about 24% were on electronic monitoring for domestic-related charges. Alleged shoplifters dominate the balance: 24 people put on ankle monitors after being charged with shoplifting have gone AWOL, but a separate report by Beach’s office shows only 73 people are on ankle monitors for shoplifting, so a third of them have gone missing.

Also showing above-average disappearance rates: burglars. Nearly 15% of them have slipped away while awaiting trial. And 27% of people charged with battery have gone AWOL, too. For more serious aggravated battery cases, the AWOL rate is 10%.

Judges have put 13 robbers on ankle monitors and three of them have disappeared — that’s a 23% disappearance rate. If the robberies involved a weapon, the disappearance rate dips to 9%. Ankle monitors are also failing 23% of the time when they’re put on auto theft defendants, according to Beach’s data.

Of the 19 people charged with attempted murder who’ve been put on electronic monitoring, only one is unaccounted for.

The chronic state of the Cook County criminal missing persons epidemic turned out tragically in March.

...Then along came Alphonso Talley, and the reforms were put to the test. Talley, a seven-time convicted felon on pretrial release for armed carjacking and armed robbery, left his home without permission for more than 17 hours in March, according to court records, and then disappeared entirely after allowing his ankle bracelet battery to run dead. Under Beach’s new system, a judge was supposed to be notified within 24 hours and a warrant was supposed to be fast-tracked. Neither of those things happened, officials said.

Five weeks after Talley went AWOL, prosecutors say, he shot and killed Chicago Police Officer John Bartholomew and critically wounded Bartholomew’s partner while they were guarding him at Swedish Hospital. In the aftermath, Beach pledged a renewed transparency effort. His office disclosed that 8% of the 3,048 people currently on electronic monitoring — roughly 244 individuals, most of whom are facing felony charges — are unaccounted for.

The judge hasn't been answering emails or voicemails.

Then along came a guy named Dwayne Cortez Milton. He's a shoplifter, too, among the other crimes he's been picked up for over a long and colorful criminal career. And Mr. Milton was well acquainted with the non-penalty phases and workaround for letting batteries lapse and being 'in violation' any of the numerous times he'd had an ankle monitor on.

...Milton, whose Cook County criminal court history includes more than 60 cases, including felony convictions for burglary in 2024, retail theft in 2023, 2014, and 2011, and two robberies in 2005, allegedly admitted to responding officers that he knew there was a warrant for his arrest.

There was.

CPD records show Milton was arrested three times between April 5 and May 5, all for shoplifting. The most recent arrest resulted in a felony retail theft charge. On June 17, Judge Aleksandra Gillespie placed him on electronic monitoring and ordered him to remain in his residence each night until 8 a.m., according to a court filing.

A violation report filed by a court officer on June 25 states that Milton began violating those conditions almost immediately.

According to the filing, he was in violation throughout the nights of June 18, 19, 20, 21, and 22. Each evening, his electronic monitoring device registered a violation beginning at 7 p.m. and “escalated” at 10 p.m. Court records explain that an escalation occurs when a participant is believed to have been outside an approved residence for more than three hours. None of those violations ever “cleared,” the report said.

On June 23, Milton again went into violation at 7 p.m. The incident escalated at 12:25 a.m. on June 24 and did not register a “clear” signal until 6:39 a.m., according to the filing. Finally, on June 25, a pretrial officer brought the violations to Judge Aleksandra Gillespie, who signed a warrant for Milton’s arrest, court records show.

Multiple violations were never even brought to a judge's attention until the end of June. And when it finally happened, voila, an arrest warrant was issued.

CATCH ME IF YOU CAN

Dwayne was going about his merry way, not at all bothered by an arrest warrant he knew was active or the ankle bracelet he was sporting.

But the Illinois state police did finally snatch him up. They were watching on surveillance cameras as he, after a couple of failed efforts, eventually dropped over the fence in the backyard of Governor J.B. Pritzker's Gold Coast mansion.

HEH

...Around 10 p.m. on July 4, Chicago police officers were dispatched to the governor’s residence in the 1400 block of North Astor Street to assist Illinois State Police troopers assigned to Pritzker’s security detail. Troopers had detained Milton, 46, after he allegedly jumped into the governor’s back yard.

A state trooper told CPD officers that they had been monitoring the mansion’s security cameras when they saw Milton attempting to scale over the governor’s rear gate before successfully entering the property. He is charged with misdemeanor trespassing.

OF ALL THE YARDS IN ALL THE CITY ON THE FOURTH OF JULY

NOT IN MY BACKYARD

The career criminal picks the career criminal-loving governor who couldn't even send a display to the nation's 250th birthday celebration.

People have noticed the irony dripping from this situation like hot sweat on a sultry summer evening.

Pritzker skewered as ‘victim of his own’ policy after repeat offender arrested in governor’s backyard

...Critics were quick to react on social media, arguing the incident underscored their concerns about Illinois’ criminal justice policies.

"A 10-time convicted felon slips his electronic monitor. The court isn't told for days. He's found in JB Pritzker's own backyard. How many more warnings does Illinois need before we admit the SAFE-T Act is failing," wrote GOP Illinois gubernatorial candidate Darren Bailey on X.

"Sorry to hear that, Governor. No one deserves to have their home violated like that. I hope you will take reforming the SAFE-T Act more seriously now," wrote Americans for Prosperity IL state director Brian Costin.

"The Governor is a victim of his own soft on crime policy. He has blood on his hands as many convicted felons continue to commit violent crimes daily," said Illinois Review contributor Mark Weyermuller.

Yeah. Lucky thing Pritzker had cops watching out for him when one of his special cases drops in for a visit.

...State Rep. Patrick Sheehan, R-Homer Glen, also works as a police officer.

“Gov. Pritzker’s radical crime policies turned up in his own backyard,” Sheehan told The Center Square.

Sheehan wondered what Milton might have done if he had not been intercepted by the governor’s security team.

“It really just smacks of contempt for the system as they get released on electronic monitoring, and then they reoffend,” Sheehan told The Center Square.

Sheehan said he is glad the governor and his family are safe, thanks to the swift response of Illinois State Police and Chicago police.

Unlike, you know, everyone else who has to live with the results of his policies.

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